To those of us who hold Liverpool Football Club to be far more important than life itself, the betrayals of the past 12 months have been sickening to bear. You wouldn’t rape a dog the way Liverpool Football Club has been raped. Yet that is precisely what has happened. This is what has been done to us – to my dog, to Stan Boardman’s dog, to Carla Lane’s dog, to Tom O’Connor’s dog, repeatedly and in broad daylight and the bizzies do nothing. People play the blame game, they say, oh, well, oh, well, like, you shouldn’t have lost all them games. But we wouldn’t have lost them if other teams, woolyback teams and all, hadn’t gone out to win them even though they were fully aware of the consequences for a city prostrate with grief. Yeah, two can play at the blame game. You, you all have played a deliberate part in our downfall, in heaping adversity on a city that once walked tall, still walks tall and this we do not lightly forgive or forget. You have all got dog on your penis.

But now, not for nothing do the words “Christ Almighty” ring out across the footballing world for we have risen again and we have come back to reclaim what is rightfully ours. Our Messiah, King Kenny, has returned from the sandy wilderness. I’d have gone for Souness myself, or Tommy Smith but have faith in our new mystery owners who in this appointment have shown that they understand the Liverpool Mentality which runs red like blood through the head of every Scouser. Red is the face of Dalglish, blood red. All hail King Kenny, to wash away the sins of his forefathers – that Roy bloke, that Spanish feller, Gerard Who he, eh? We are more than worthy.

Here is a man who has spent his years in exile honing and purifying himself for the present task in hand – all of those Japanese adverts for whiskey, all that pro-celebrity golf, all those years of telly punditry staring with glassy, bloodshot eyes at a monitor and making vague, croaking noises during the half time interval on Sky, all those corporate events cracking up the room with his lengthy, semi-intelligible anecdotes about the time someone asked for his autograph thinking he was Kevin Keegan, all those years standing on a touchline looking thoughtful, trying to remember if he was managing Newcastle or Celtic, all of this sets him in proud and perfect stead for the battle ahead. The heart, the passion, the hope and the pride, the guts, the glory. Liverpool.

Guts and heart. Shirt. You should have seen those fans celebrating, celebrating as if John Bishop had just won the Oscar for playing the part of a 44 year old cab driver who fulfils his dream of playing for Liverpool in the Cup Final in a heartwarming, Alan Bleasdale-scripted movie called Fare Lies The Wind, with Margi Clarke as the wife who urges him to fight on and fulfil that dream, even after he loses the use of both kneecaps after some Mancunian gangsters do him for something he never. All season long, the doubters have been sneering, saying things like, “After this 15th defeat, can Liverpool still win the Premier League?” Course we can. Course we will. With a player like Stevie Gerrard in the team, running his heart and guts out for the full 19 minutes before he gets sent off for something he never, of course we will and don’t you forget it. Ever. We are back. Things are different now. Blackburn, Blackpool, Wolves, Cilla Black is no longer your toilet.

And Kenny, see, he understand these players. They may not understand him. He understands them. He understands that they’re the team that play in red. That much he knows. And Kenny, he knows, all he has to say to them, in that dressing room, is “Well, ah – Stevie, and, er – you others – you know the way onto the pitch. Go out there and (unintelligible).” That’s all those players need to hear. Because know the way onto the pitch they do, have faith. And they’ll run around all day, through walls, run through the trenches for that man. Just you watch. We’re heading back to the 1980s. We’re heading back to the top of Division One.

It is almost like starting a new season after taking into account the weather break (which was accurately predicted I might add!) and when we have been able to train the majority of the lads have been excellent in the attitude and application. The desire to work hard and improve has always, in the main, impressed me with the players we have in the first team now, although that has also been the case under previous management structures. To compete at the level required for Lincs league that is really the least that is required. When you look at how some of the top teams in the Lincs League train and how the players apply themselves to that work load I don’t believe the 1st team lads I work with are far away from that level. We are maybe still slightly naive in the professionalism of the game but that will come with experience.
What is for certain is that the talent on the ball at our disposal is good enough to feature in any side at this level. Oli Johnson and Richard Jackson are two of the best ball playing centre midfielders in the league and I haven’t seen a better left side than Tommy Chalk and Matty Low when they are both available. Unfortunately, their desire to behave like Lovejoy (of antique fame, not the old Soccer AM presenter) and David Hasselhoff respectively limits their appearances but Gaz Melia has come to the club and in his first season proved that he can adapt to the higher standard. Steve Brown is another who often gets less of the limelight than is arguably deserved. He has played on the right of both defence and midfield and also in the centre of the pitch, again in defence and midfield and has done all jobs very well, his combative style well suited to the pace of the league, his fine money has also accommodated Lincolnshire FA with plush new surroundings. With the new bookings punishments to be introduced at training I look forward to seeing Browny regularly a victim!

The return of Craig Gordon will provide a boost to the club and we have been exceptionally fortunate that he has only missed 1 match of his 5 week suspension for his reaction to a reckless challenge. He and Tony Edwards looked like they may be able to forge a promising partnership from what I witnessed at Ivy Tavern where we could have hit 6 or more. Also on the cusp of the 1st team is Will Carter, lovingly referred to as “the behemouth” by an opposing Sunday side this season. His presence and ability to keep possession and draw fouls has provided very useful when called upon and he is another that could prove to be more than a handful at Lincs league level.

Another player who has been exceptional this season is Alec Enderby. One of the best centre backs around, his partnership with Chris Johnson has provided the platform for the creators of the side to do their work.

I am optimistic that if we don’t repeat our form of last season after a long weather break that we can continue to do well in the bread and butter of the league. However, we can’t afford to be slightly off the pace as we tend to get punished when we let our standards slip and building and putting together a good run is now very important, starting with Plough on Saturday.
I hope to see you there.

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Robin Harrison (Rocket Robin)

This is an important fundraiser for the club. We still have plenty of horses for sale at £5 but we need to sell these by the weekend in order to get the programmes sorted. If you would like a horse and and the possibility of winning prize money if your horse romps home then please contact me Alan Wilkinson alan.wilkinson3@virgin.net or anyone else at the club ASAP. We are also looking for race sponsors, 5 races have been sold so far and so we are looking to sell the remaining 4 race sponsorships for £50 if any firm or individual would like to help. All race sponsors and horse owners will be publicised in the race night programme and on the www.htfc.eu website.

Even if you don’t wish to buy a horse please come along for a beer and a bet on the night – always a good night raising money for the 8 junior and 3 senior sides. Wongers will be out in force to offer plenty of vocal support! Children and adults are welcome.

Carl turned up to every Man Utd and England match he could, that was shown at our pub. He used to bring a tobacco tin to every England match. The tin lid was decorated with a St George design and a British Bulldog in the centre. Inside the tin was, of course, Carl’s dad. Carl made a promise to his dad that he would take him to every England match he could. This sounds quite a thoughtful thing to do but….

As the place was getting quite busy and England scored their first goal against the opposition Carl had shouted to me, ‘Double rum for m’ Dad please, Steve?’. So I hurried and plonked a double rum in front of him, took the cash and carried on with my duties… Again a big cheer and …‘Double rum for m’ Dad again please, Steve?’ So I did.

3 goals, then 4 to England then a fifth each with a double rum. Next thing I saw were flames licking the front of one of the tills where Carl is calmly sat staring at his ‘Dad’. I rushed over and asked what the hell is happening. At the same time England scored for the final time and Carl eagerly answered, ‘Nothing mate. Looks like m’ Dad needs another rum.’

I swiftly poured a large rum and passed it over, to my surprise, Carl poured this into the flames, which I saw coming out of the tin, luckily extinguishing the fire that was coming from the tin.

I then discovered that Carl’s Dad’s Ashes were in that tin. When his dad was alive he knocked back a double rum each time England scored. Carl was pouring the spirit into the tin and setting fire to it to evaporate the liquid.

This was Carl’s way of still celebrating ‘The Match’ with his old man.

Is this funny or sick?? Air your views!!!